Say It Ain’t So! Top 10 Reasons Why Bode Miller Should NOT Retire

Posted By: Zeke Piestrup on February 17, 2009 10:29 am

Photo Courtesy: Julie Shipman

After a disappointing showing at the World Championships in Val D’Isere, Bode Miller has decided to take a couple weeks off to rest a bothersome ankle, a bad wrist, and a fatigued brain.  The super-combined race In Val D was tragically emblematic of Bode’s World Cup season: superbly fast skiing combined with a stupefying crash.  Bode led the super-combi after the downhill portion, but straddled a gate in the slalom portion, and another D-N-F was slapped onto Bode’s name.

Now, to the detriment of ski racing fans everywhere, Bode is hinting at retirement.  After feeling the collective gut-punch from the Mass Media passing judgment on Bode’s performance at the Turin Olympics, it’s easy to understand why he might want to call it quits before Vancouver 2010.  “I don’t know. I’m not decided one way or another,” Bode told AP. “For a truly amazing, unique performance to happen you do need the circumstances to conspire. That would be the reason to go. But it’s a gamble, too. The likelihood of that happening is small and the likelihood of a lot of negativity and a lot of stuff that I just don’t think needs to be combined with Olympic sport happening, that’s just very high.”

Yes, Bode found out the hard way that Olympic-inspired patriotism is not always a pretty sight.  And an athlete as non-conformist as Bode will feel the wrath of a culture that values conformity.  Rebels scare soccer moms.

However, to those who love and understand ski racing, it’s impossible not to be a Bode Miller fan.  He skies like Kobe Bryant plays basketball.  Always attacking, never letting off the accelerator.  The man is a god on skis.  Period.


To the layman:  We, the skiing community, stealing a bit of your lingo, believe we are “blessed” to watch Bode Miller ski.  In that vein, here are The Top 10 Reasons Why Bode Miller Should Not Retire:

10.  There’s no quitting until Bode passes Clarence Thomas on the Most Famous RV Owners list.
9.  Bode will have to move back to the “hippie cabin” he grew up in, one without electricity and plumbing.  That might have been OK before the Internet.
8.  An Olympic victory for Bode is the only hope in shutting-up the pompous Bob Costas.
7.  Dennis Miller will become the most famous American Miller.  That’s bad.
6.  The homeschooled kids will have no heroes alive to cheer for.
5.  What other ski racer can so eloquently give the finger while snuggling a Playboy Bunny?
4.  Bode takes a different route than Bill Johnson, the other famous American speed racer who has not fared so well in retirement.
3.  Bode’s first book is titled Bode: Go Fast, Be Good, Have Fun.  What would a post retirement book be called?  Bode: Shuffleboard, Conservatism, Bitterness.  Who’s going to buy that book??
2.  Alberta Tomba to Bode Miller to…  Who will combine the best skills on the mountain with the best skills off the mountain?  Tomba and Miller, boom, outta’ here!
1.  Bode fence riding at the Hannenkahm.  All hail Bode Miller!

photo: apas_p

Zeke Piestrup ( More Posts)

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