5 things Tanner Hall can do while healing up

Posted By: Zeke Piestrup on May 28, 2009 4:36 pm

Us normal people fill out a vacation request and alas, experience the joy of free time.  For professional skiers, the globe has two hemispheres and is one endless winter.  The professional skier version of a vacation request has thus become the unexpected injury.  Go, go, go, go, get injured and go on vacation.

This month Tanner Hall, freeskiing’s biggest star, was injured on a TGR shoot at Steven’s Pass.  We at The Ski Channel wish Tanner a speedy recovery.  We’re sure he’ll be back and dominating in no time.  The monotony of rehab can lead to fits of boredom, so here’s five things Tanner Hall can do while healing up:

1.  Sign up for summer classes at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University.  The largest evangelical Christian university will soon be home to the first Snowflex dry-ski hill.  Tanner’s vast terrain park knowledge would be a valuable asset in the final decision-making of different features on the hill.  Although, Mr. Hall would have to watch his words, as any Liberty student found guilty of “participation in an unauthorized petition or demonstration” will receive 12 reprimands and a $50 fine.

2.  Become a distributor for the Snow-E-Shovel.  It’s basically a glorified lawn mower with a shovel attached to the front.  Tanner has always been a good hype man, and I think he’d have no problem selling the Snow-E-Shovel to his neighbors in Park City.

3.  Reclaim the Tanner Hall handle on Twitter.  Right now the fictional, name-squatting Tanner Hall on Twitter has two followers and just submitted this piece of vital information: “OMG bored.. beat my cuz 101-88 =] Tweet TWEETT!! FOLLOWW MEE!”  Twitter has fast become English for “verbal diarrhea”, although we’re sure the real Tanner Hall could offer some valuable Tweets.

4.  Prepare for Armageddon.  Retired truck driver Barry Brubaker has petitioned the city council in Hall’s hometown of Kalispell, Montana to stop a June 20th gay pride parade.  Brubaker, who describes himself as “not very educated”, sees impending doom and gloom for planet Earth.  “The homosexuals are trying to infiltrate everything, even the Girl Scouts.  The end is coming and there’s going to be fire, earthquakes. These are the final days.”  Guess it’s time to store up extra water and triple A batteries!

5.  Cruise around on a thought-propelled wheelchair.  Italian researchers at the Milan’s Polytechnical Institute artificial intelligence and robotics laboratory have developed a wheelchair that reads brain signals.  Ponder your kitchen, bedroom, or bathroom, and off you go!   Tanner could ponder his nine X Games medals and thought-propell himself onto the hills of Aspen.






Zeke Piestrup ( More Posts)

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