5 simple ways Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am could resolve their spat up at the ski resort

Posted By: Zeke Piestrup on June 22, 2009 3:59 pm

Nothing gets celebrity-obsessed America more fired up than Celebrity Spat.  The war of two mammoth-sized egos commands attention like a car crash.  The current celeb battle pits Perez Hilton, famous online blogger of Carrie Prejean fame, and Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas.  A backstage confrontation after an awards show in Toronto in which Will allegedly threw a couple pucnhes at Perez has now lead to the inevitable war of words.  All this anger heightens the publicity these stars crave, but there’s a much more mature way to go about a resolution.  Solve it up on the mountain! 

As such, here’s 5 simple ways Perez Hilton and Will.I.Am could resolve their spat up at the ski resort.

1.  Race NASTAR.  The world’s largest ski race program welcomes all skiers and boarders of all levels.  A handicap system levels the playing field.  According to the official NASTAR Official Rule Book, all Hollywood megalomaniacs, “who must pause during the course to (a) sign autographs and (b) pose for paparazzi photos, are given 20 second handicaps.”

2.  Chinese Downhill.  Only one rule to the Chinese Downhill: First one down the mountain wins.  Strategically placed Hollywood blockbuster scripts could slow the pace of either competitor.

3.  Snowball fight.  Would there be anything better than watching a huge, packed ice-ball going SPLAT on the faces of these two ego maniacs?  I sense pay-per-view opportunities here!

4.  Rail jam.  Hollywood stars are experts with rails.  This rail jam could turn into an all-night bender.

5.  Avalanche probing contest.  Perez and Will could bury the other’s giant sized egos anywhere up on the mountain.  They would then each be given an avalanche probe to find their own ego.  Prod left, prod center, prod right, step up!  Unfortunately egos don’t die after 30 minutes in the snow. 

Zeke Piestrup ( More Posts)

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