The state that breeds the best skiers

Posted By: The Ski Channel on October 19, 2009 12:35 pm

I’m waging an all out war here today, guys and gals. The Ski Channel presents: Battle of the Ski States. Which state in our beloved nation gives us the best, most talented, (best looking?), fastest and most progressive skiers and snowboarders out there? (By the way, the picture on the left is Salvador Dali’s “Premonition of Civil War”. Bustin out with the culture, Ski Channel guy! Yea!)

In order to hold this competition fairly…well, come to think of it…I’m the only one writing this, so in essence it’s completely NOT fair…
So in order to continue the trend of holding this competition unfairly, I’ll judge our beautiful states completely based on stereotypes of the states and the people who reside in them. These stereotypes will then be used to determine the general worth of all skiers and snowboarders within said state. Sound fair? Great! I didn’t think so!

The states that will be competing today include: California, Colorado, Oregon, Wyoming, and New Mexico. Let us begin!

California: Here’s the southern region in a nutshell: Yea dude, awesome. Everything’s chill man, just relax. Don’t worry about the massive amounts of traffic, crazy road rage, smog and superficial vanity…just take a trip to Mammoth and all your problems will melt away with the snow. Here’s the northern region in a nutshell: Yay Obama! Yay hybrid cars! Boo Dodgers! Boo LA in general! Yay Birkenstocks! Yay trees! Yay Tahoe! In fact, let’s go to Tahoe right now and reinforce how awesome we all are!

Colorado: Our state is so beautiful, we don’t have to have a lot to do! What do you mean the country’s obese? We’re so in shape and fit  over here we didn’t even notice. What do you mean there’s nothing to do here? Go skiing or snowboarding! You don’t do those things? Oh, well, um, then, um…

Oregon: Let’s see…The Tilamook Cheese Factory, Nike Headquarters, Mt. Hood, the first state to ban the use of non-returnable bottles and cans, the largest collection of carousels in the world at the Carousel Museum…anything else? Oh yea, Oregon residents own 25% of the world’s total llama population. Nice, Oregon.

Wyoming: Jackson Hole is awesome. Brokeback Mountain was a sad movie. The Laramie incident was also sad. But Jackson Hole is awesome! And you’ve got over 800,000 sheep. Pretty sure that’s more sheep than people. Awesome!

New Mexico: Finally, New Mexico. The War Eagles Air Museum is fantastic, every October Albuquerque hosts the world’s largest international hot air balloon party (no, the Heene family is not invited), Santa Fe is the oldest capital in the US, the…wait, what? You didn’t know there was skiing in New Mexico? Where have you been? Under a rock??

OK, now that I’m sure I’ve offended everyone, it’s time to pick a winner. So, based on these horrendously stereotypical and most likely inaccurate remarks about each of our competing states…I have determined that the state which breeds the best skiers is…CALIFORNIA! Oh by the way, I’m from California, so maybe I’m biased.

Think I’m dumb and wrong? Prove it! Why should your state win?? I’m convinced there are smarter people out there than I am…