Fresh mountain air, breathtaking views, and… humiliation? We love skiing, but the slopes are not always kind, gracing each of us with awkward encounters and embarrassing occurrences. Can you relate?
1) Boisterous waving and smiling at a stranger wearing your friend’s coat. “Hey! Hey buddy!” They look around, and then mechanically wave back, sometimes with a chipper smile. “I don’t know why this person is waving at me, but I like it.”
2) Accidently giving instructions to a stranger wearing your friend’s coat.“Go to chair five.” “No.” After taking an irritated second look you realize, “Oh, thought you were someone else.” We appreciate comedian, Demetri Martin’s response, “I am.”
3) Flirting/macho bragging from a disappointing chairlift companion. “See that ridiculous jump? I hit that… backwards with my eyes closed. I’d do it again for a kiss.“ The chairlift will invariably get stuck at that moment. Which is worse- two broken legs or another few minutes with his disgusting smirk? To jump it is.
4) Deep, unnecessary questions from a disappointing chairlift companion. “What drives your existence?” “Uuuhhh, I’m just skiing.” “I can see that, but what forces beckon your spirit?”
5) Carefully placing your skis on the ski rack, gently stepping away, admiring your successful placement, and then witnessing them fall, a slow motion plunge, bringing down all fifty surrounding sets of skis and poles with them. You try to run away, but look ridiculous because you are wearing ski boots.
6) Showing off in front of an attractive skier – then crashing in front of said skier, forcing them to swerve around you. “Watch where you fall, noob!” “Maybe if you weren’t so distracting, sexy!” Comebacks never come to you when you’ve lost your skis and your dignity.
7) Watching little ski school kids own the mountain like they were born on Krypton, and the laws of physics elude them. “Did you see that little guy? He just did a backflip off a rail!…. I suck.” “No friend, you are human.”
8) Getting yelled at by Ski Patrol for speeding in a slow zone, “Did you read the sign? Slow down!” “Of course not. I can’t read at these speeds!”
9) Someone asking to borrow your chap stick, reluctantly agreeing to let them use it, then watching in horror as they rub it all over their lips.. .and nose. “I get the chappest nostrils.”
10) Accidently skiing over someone’s brand new, perfectly waxed, perfectly polished skis in the lift line and receiving the single most intense, ferocious glare you have ever encountered. “Those were new.” Resist the urge to run over them again, as it will only result in your being impaled by skis- the only positive being they are new, clean skis, minimizing your risk of infection.